Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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