Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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