I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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