First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
