i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
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