When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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