I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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