And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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