With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
