and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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