i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
