I feel great
I just peed on a car
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
