I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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