sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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