You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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