the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
