wakey wakey hands off snakey
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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