Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
