His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
