it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
