Whod you bang
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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