That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
