Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize