Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
