my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
