Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
MIDGETS
????
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
