real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He? As in you personified your dick?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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