we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
