You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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