Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
