"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize