i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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