i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
