So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Damn victory sex feels great
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
