Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
