I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
