oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
