dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
