You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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