you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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