Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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