she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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