Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...

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(646): View more from New York

in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life

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(206): View more from Washington

i want to swaddle you in tequila

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(216): View more from Ohio

When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.

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(302): View more from Delaware

Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio

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(647): View more from Ontario

I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?

(815): View more from Illinois

And me

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.

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