oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
FUCK WHALES
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
