I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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