lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
where does the pee come out of this thing
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
