Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
