dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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