Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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