Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
