it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize