you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
