I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
