The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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