i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
