i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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