Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
why is half of my head shaved?
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