We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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