I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
