I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
