I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
