This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
