why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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