I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize