what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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