Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
