i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
