My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
