they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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