p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
