ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
