He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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