My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
