i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
