I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
